K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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