make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
