you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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