Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
