The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
