and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
