So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The adults are the big ones right?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
