she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
