I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Im part way to drunk.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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