The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
