Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
