Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
