So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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