I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
