I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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