she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
