He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
