He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
