Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
