Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
