Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
How external is "for external use only"?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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