I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
