..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
