I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
