I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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