Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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