hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
4 words: hood of his car
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
