My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just gargled with NyQuil
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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