I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize