I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
