I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
