I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
