I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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