I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
