I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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