we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
