Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
