I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
