Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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