So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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