i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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