i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
