I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
