At least make sure they are 18
Why
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
