Midget sex pt 2 tonight
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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