Rock
Scissors
Fuck
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
