she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
my liver is dry heaving
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
