dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
