Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
