thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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