Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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