How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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