I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
