so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
