there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
