areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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