Apparently you make a good broom.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
