remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
