i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
