PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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