just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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