i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
