College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
