At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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