How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You are the jesus of drinking
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize