we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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