something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Pooping to opera.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
