you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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