my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
