Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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