There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
