Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
