I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize