i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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