My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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