Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
