Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
