At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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