So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
