And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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