am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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