So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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