there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
