So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
