Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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